


Every Time I Fell A Little More in Love With You

by FreckledSkittles



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Boys In Love, Fluff, M/M, Married Barisi, Oaths & Vows, Wedding Fluff, Weddings, sappy barisi is here!!!, wedding vows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26208628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreckledSkittles/pseuds/FreckledSkittles
Summary: Rafael and Sonny exchange wedding vows. They're as sappy as you think.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 19
Kudos: 48





	Every Time I Fell A Little More in Love With You

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who read a tweet from adabarbacarisi and soul_writerr about Sonny making a list of things he loves about Rafael for his vows and guess who got inspired with them and ItalianDoll to actually write it? (spoiler alert: it's me)
> 
> I haven't actually written a marriage fic before, and this was my first attempt, so I hope you like it!! <3

“I believe the betrothed wish to share their vows?”

As soon as Rafael reaches into his jacket, Sonny ducks his head and sniffles. He laughs with the rest of their wedding guests, especially when Rafael reaches out to hold his hand. “Sorry,” Sonny says, his voice wavering slightly. “I’m going last for this exact reason.”

Rafael chuckles and squeezes his hand. “We knew better.” Sonny nods, thanking Mike for handing him a tissue.

Olivia, their officiate, smiles between them. The Montauk breeze washes over them, the distant crash of the ocean waves ringing around them. “Take your time. This is your moment.” From behind her glasses, eyes warm and patient, she makes it clear she doesn’t want their moment to be removed from their hands in any way.

Rafael unfolds the paper and curls his hands into the crinkles of the folds and the jabbed points of his pen. He knew what he wanted to say the moment he proposed. The words are seared into his mind, dwelling in his dreams, sitting on his tongue, residing in his heart for as long as he’s loved this man. Sonny, in a dove gray suit with a blue-and-white polka dot tie, his hair styled just enough to keep the coif in place but free to float over his forehead, is a picture-perfect image of perfection that Rafael cannot get enough of.

With a deep breath and another glance at his paper, Rafael starts to read. “I started writing these vows a year and a half ago,” he recites, “because I’ve known what I’ve wanted to say since we were engaged. You know better than anyone that I don’t share my feelings with just anyone, unlike you, who is less of an open book and more of an encyclopedia without a cover.” Sonny laughs at that, his eyes shining in the early afternoon light. Even if there were others who shared their amusement, the only one who mattered was Sonny. Rafael continues, unable to hold back his smile any longer. “I have always expressed my love for you before I chose to say it, and you were satisfied enough with who I am to court me, and date me, and propose to me, and now to marry me. To think I could be the subject of so much unconditional love from you will never fail to surprise me.”

Rafael’s voice hitches, and he has to pause and recuperate before he starts again. His hand had slipped from Sonny’s, but now he brings it back to hold on tight and squeeze. “I am not an easy person to handle. I never was. I don’t know when to stop talking, I don’t back down from a fight, and anyone who tries to stop either is simply ‘looking for trouble.’ Those are your words,” he adds, prodding Sonny in the chest. Sonny smiles and playfully rolls his eyes, grinning goofily at him, dimples caving into his cheeks. “You said it to me about five months after we started dating. I remember it, because it was the first time I looked at you and realized how deeply in love I was. I was terrified—no one had ever managed to make me feel that strongly for them. Why would a lanky giraffe with an accent thicker than his alleged legendary lasagna have any interest in a mouthy lawyer from the Bronx?”

Sonny is already coming up with a retort, the words halfway out, but Rafael cuts him off. “That’s a rhetorical question. I know you want to answer it, and you will. I pride myself on being articulate, but you speak with so much authenticity, such earnestness, it wouldn’t be possible for me to follow up my vows with yours. And we both agree you need the time to gather yourself before you speak. Besides the fact that I don’t doubt your love for me anymore.” Rafael squeezes his hand and pauses to take another breath. His heart twists in his chest at the thought that when he finishes, he and Sonny will be one step closer to officially being wed. “It was bewildering to think that someone cares for me as much as you do. But when I feel anxious or scared, and I ask myself if we’re making the right decision, I look at you and find my answer.

“You have so much love in your heart, Sonny. You’re dedicated to helping others. Your faith is incredibly strong in a way that proves being queer doesn’t mean you can’t be a practicing Christian. Especially when you’re Catholic—as progressive as your church is, we all know how messy the institution is.” Sonny can only shrug at that, chuckling when Rafael gives him a pointed stare. It had been a minor disagreement to decide where and how they would get married: Sonny wasn’t going to settle for a courthouse setting, and Rafael wasn’t interested in a church ceremony. They came to an agreement when Olivia brought up marrying them herself. She had gone through the proper channels to get ordained when two former coworkers had gotten engaged. And seeing as her relationship with them was extremely valuable—Rafael as a best friend and Sonny as a sort of mentor—it made sense that she would officiate their wedding.

Rafael continues. “But you know the good it can do. You know there is light when the world gets too dark, and you know right where to find it. And you’re so goddamn smart. You brag about my intelligence—which I don’t need, since I do enough of that without having to say the words myself, but the sentiment is appreciated nonetheless.” Sonny rolls his eyes; he knew Rafael would call attention to himself as soon as he brought up smarts. “But you down-grade your own talents. You have an incredible mind. You’re always thinking, always learning, always ready to provide insight or construct your argument, and you pick up on things so easily. Your mind is beautiful, Sonny. I don’t think you realize it. So I’ll do enough for both of us.”

“That’s my line,” Sonny says. The crowd laughs; at some point or another, he must have used it in front of them. His dedication to Rafael was hardly ever kept silent.

“I only borrowed it for today, I promise,” Rafael assures him. He gives Sonny’s hand another squeeze before he lets their fingers trail apart and he reads on. “When I was younger, I used to think that being in love was simply settling with whatever was in reach. I didn’t think I had to put too much thought into it. So I tried to date and to look for that settlement, but it was always second to work, and it hardly ever turned as serious as thinking about marriage.” Rafael sighs, his voice wavering with the rise of emotions creeping up. “I thought, perhaps, I didn’t need marriage. And I was almost fully convinced that I didn’t when we met: you had a horrendous stain above your lip that you called a mustache,” he nearly misses the “come on” from Sonny among the laughter around them, “and my attention was zeroed in on my work. Granted, it took more than you shaving that lifeless ferret, but I digress.”

“Are these your vows or are you debuting a new comedy routine?” Sonny asks.

Rafael gives a teasing wink. “You weren’t afraid to speak up and offer insight. You didn’t hesitate in volunteering your time and energy for others. You were real, good, actual kindness. You  _ are _ real, good, actual kindness.” He finishes the rest of his vows while looking into Sonny’s eyes. The words he recites now, the feelings welling up inside him, reflect back at him. There have been very few components of his life that have felt as right and real as right now. If he had a chance to go back in time and tell his past self where he will end up, he wouldn’t reveal anything. He wants to keep the surprise that Sonny brings him by loving him, by cherishing him, by honoring their time together with such genuine dedication. “And with all the people you could share it with, you share it with me, who is anything but those things. And yet you see it. You found parts of me that hadn’t been acknowledged for years. You dug deep and showed me what you seem to carry so easily. You got me to see the good that I can carry with me if I simply acknowledged it rather than discourage myself. You showed me what true love really is by accepting all of me, for my difficulties and secrets and my attempts to grow, to be better. And I look forward to seeing it even more with you.”

Sonny gives him a watery smile and pulls him in for a kiss. The crowd responds with soft coos from their affection, mixed into the laughter when Jesse Rollins declares that “you aren’t supposed to kiss until you’re married!” Rafael smiles into the kiss and looks up at Sonny when he pulls away, tears already brimming in his eyes. And this time, Mike hands a tissue to Rafael as well.

“I guess it’s my turn,” Sonny sighs.

Rafael puts his vows away and nods. Looking at him—as coordinated as ever, the purple bow tie a nice accent to the lilac of his shirt and pocket square, and a contrast to the mauve suspenders under his vest—spreads a blanket of warmth throughout Sonny, starting at his heart and expanding to his limbs and, eventually, his tongue. He fumbles for his own vows, which took much longer to write than he would have liked, and gathers himself with a deep breath.

“The first thing I wanna say,” Sonny starts, “is: I love you. I love you so much. I don’t have enough words to describe it.” He looks up at Rafael to see him smiling, looking at him with so much ardor and love, Sonny’s heart clenches. “You bring so much to my life every day. Every time I wake up to you and every night I fall asleep with you, it feels surreal to know that I can live the life I always hoped and dreamed for as a kid. And the fact that I get to do it with you by my side, to this day, it feels like a dream.”

Sonny pauses to take another breath. “I love you.” Rafael chuckles at that; Sonny grins when he hears the soft sound. “I tell you a lot because I mean it, but also because you were the first person who made me feel comfortable enough to tell you. You didn’t mock me, like some have. You didn’t doubt me, like others. You embraced me even when you yourself weren’t ready to share as much. You’ve supported me no matter what. I can’t thank you enough. And I can only hope that I can do as much for you.

“It took me a while to figure out what I wanted my vows to be. At first I thought I could list every time I fell in love with you, because I have done it multiple times and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. But as much as I’m sure you would love to,” Rafael only hums and cocks a brow, “as if I don’t tell you enough already, I don’t know if we have enough time for that.” Sonny laughs from pure giddiness; he would go on about all of the feelings he has, all of the times he’s fallen in love, but he wants to be married to Rafael first. They have time for that later. “So instead, I made a list of every time I fell a little more in love with you.”

Rafael’s laugh is clear and fresh, something that might not have been made if he realized how many people were in front of them. Sonny is glad he was able to have Rafael make that sound. “And yes, these are two different things, because if I told you every time I fell in love, point blank period, I would be telling you the moments when I realized it. These moments are the times I was fully aware of my feelings for you and the best thing I could do was soak it all in and thank God that I have the opportunity to love and cherish you every single day.

“So here is my list of every time I fell a little more in love with you.” Sonny takes a deep breath and covers his mouth to regather himself. Reading back on the times again, remembering them once again, he chokes up at the emotions clogging his throat. His list is perfect and not enough at the same time.

Rafael offers his hand to hold and kisses the top when Sonny entwines their fingers together. Sonny starts reading again. “Our first vacation after we started dating, when you amused me long enough to take a nice photo in front of the sunrise because I promised to make you coffee and let you have a first go at the crossword in the newspaper.” Rafael’s smile is sickening sweet. Sonny hopes he’s remembering the sweet moments, the memories just as rich and pure as the first time.

“The first time you took me skiing, and I took way longer than necessary to learn how to do it right, and you were patient the entire time, even when I kept on falling, and even when I nearly punctured your boots with my ski poles three times.” Sonny catches Rafael’s eyeroll; he had a sixth sense for it.

“When I wrote my resignation letter after my first day in court, and as supportive as you are to my decisions, you were adamant that my skills and talents shouldn’t go to waste when my first day didn’t turn out the way I expected.

“When we went to my niece’s first softball game as the starting catcher, and the ump threatened to throw you out between innings if you didn’t stop yelling at his bad calls.”

“He was wrong,” Rafael scoffs. Laughter rings out around them; it’s Sonny’s turn to roll his eyes at his soon-to-be husband. If he wasn’t as adamant that the ump was making bad calls, he would have done more to make sure Rafael’s taunts weren’t disrupting the game. 

Sonny continues down the list. “That time you got a droplet of mustard on your shirt during recess and you made me trade shirts and ties with you because it was easier than me going back home to coordinate a new outfit to your suit. And your pocket square. And your socks.” If this list will make Rafael laugh like that, Sonny will recite it every single day.

“About a year into dating, when we went to Fire Island and had a picnic, and even though we got sand everywhere, we got the chance to relax. I remember laying back and just holding you, because the best thing I could ever have in my life is time with you.” If Sonny closes his eyes, he can feel the blanket underneath him, Rafael’s warm body flush against him, arms looped around his waist, their stomachs full with sandwiches they made, lumps of sand shifting under them to the sound of the ocean. It was a moment of pure peace.

“When I got home late from work and you stayed up to wait for me. When we got home from work together. When I get home and know it’s only a few more minutes before you’re finishing up and on your way home.” Rafael’s smile is a bit watery, and his hand clenches firmly around Sonny’s. Having Rafael give his vows first was a great idea. It wasn’t because Sonny’s vows would outdo Rafael’s—their vows are perfect because they were written the same way they hold their love for one another. But Rafael, as they love to joke, always struggles to function normally after Sonny pours his heart out. It’s easier for Sonny to pour out so much, and for Rafael to be expected to carry on and deliver it would be near-impossible.

Sonny swings their folded hands. “Our first holidays together, even the ones you aren’t interested in, because I get excited for Halloween in September, and I get excited for Christmas in November, and you have to deal with it every day.”

“It’s a charming burden,” Rafael teases.

Sonny squeezes his hand. “That time we participated in a baking competition for charity through your work, and even though we came in second, you treated it like we had won. Even when I hugged you and got flour all over you.

“The time we visited Abuelita and the stray cats she feeds outside her building got hair all over your pants, and you didn’t go upstairs to see her for nearly ten minutes because you were trying to get the hair out, even when the cat came and did it again, and you let it, because you were convinced that pissing them off would have banned you from ever visiting again.” Rafael laughs. Sonny wishes he could add this moment, because he is falling further and deeper in love with each second they spend standing here.

“When you started sharing little parts about yourself, parts that no one else had seen, and you just let me hold you afterwards.” To any outsider, the sharp inhale Rafael takes would be seen as a deep breath. Sonny can see the rising affection rising in his throat and threatening to slip down his cheeks. “And when I told you parts about myself that I had never shown to anyone, and you held me so tight, I didn’t think you’d ever let go.”

It takes a bit longer for Sonny to continue, but he pushes on. He can see the end of the list, which means they are one step closer to being married, and that thought feels unreal. “The second time you told me ‘I love you.’ Which you’ll probably say is counterproductive,” Sonny grins when Rafael’s lips part, definitely to agree to that, “if this is a list about every time I fall more in love with you. But the second time you said ‘I love you,’ it was around other people. It was a goodbye, I’ll see you later. It was a promise that no matter what you do or say, no matter where we are, we’ll end the day together.

“I think about that moment a lot. I think about every chance we’ve had to fall in love, because as you love to point out, I’m sappy enough for the both of us and then some. And we’ll have more opportunities to fall in love all over again, because I’m a sucker for you. I love you so much, Rafael. I loved you as my boyfriend, my coworker, my fiancé, and I cannot wait to love you as my husband.”

It takes everything within Sonny to not wrap Rafael up in his arms and kiss him until they’re breathless. He barely manages to stuff his vows back in his pocket and grasp Rafael’s hands firmly in his. To think he found someone who loves him as strongly as he does, who is as dedicated as he is to their relationship and to one another, is mind-numbing enough. To think it could be a coworker, someone who helped see his true potential and someone who believed in him, was a welcome surprise.

To think he could call him ‘husband’ is a bonus that will never get old.


End file.
